Dropping the F Bomb

There it was again…the “F” bomb and from a second Doctor no less. I had no idea what this fibrowhatchyamacallit was, but figured I should probably read up on IT. It would have to wait until later.

More importantly, I had to get back to work. Pushed through the fog while dragging my invisible cement blocks, painted my smile on and headed back in.

Fibromyalgia Search Results
Fibromyalgia Search Results

Later that night, I sat down (finally) to read up on IT. Wasn’t sure of the spelling, so I started with Fibro, sure enough there it was Fibromyalgia.

Read through the Mayo Clinic info. Everything was bang on but I knew better. Both Doctors were quite simply mistaken and that was that.

I pushed on…funny how a word becomes part of your life PUSH. I had to push myself to get up in the morning. For that matter I had to push myself to get up off the couch to go to bed. I had to push myself to get through pretty much anything and everything. The littlest things would zap me.

By each afternoon rolled around, I could hardly walk. My brain was so foggy I could hardly talk (sensibly that isJ ). My hands had become my enemy. As if burning, aching, and stinging wasn’t enough; they stopped listening to me and kept dropping things. It’s still difficult trying to describe the pain. Best I can come up with is, as the day progressed so would the pain. It would spread until every inch of my skin was hurting.

I had to visit my Doctor wayyyy too frequently. Rather than accept the “F” word I started to believe I was becoming a hypochondriac. That I could fix, Fibromyalgia I couldn’t. Every day there was a new pain in a new place. Every night I got less and less sleep.

Then life became unbearable. There was no pleasure, only pain. I had no choice, I finally accepted that I had the “F” word (doesn’t mean I have to say IT). After acceptance I was able to begin learning how to LIVE with Fibromyalgia.

Every day I am learning to accept that I have limitations. I have to figure out what they are, sometimes the hard way. This month was a major set back, but that’s ok it’s almost over.

As the saying goes….this too shall pass.  I’m back on the right path again.

Claude Monet AllPosters
Claude Monet Print from www.AllPosters.com

 

 

Easing My Flair for Flares

Young Stars Flare in the Carina Nebula
Young Stars Flare in the Carina Nebula

Some flares are pretty, fibro-flares are not.

An important part of my learning to LIVE with fibromyalgia has been trying to pinpoint my personal triggers of fibro-flares.

In other words what makes all my fibro symptoms go from manageable to really, really bad. Sometimes so bad that I literally can’t stay upright.  Some of my flare ups have lasted days, some have lasted weeks.  Before I had a better understanding of what I was dealing with I remember a flare that lasted months.

Some triggers can be avoided, some can not.  I recently spiraled (that’s what it feels like to me) into a ten day and counting flare-up.

What makes this one unique is that it was avoidable.  Circumstances beyond my control forced me into over exerting myself and placed me under a ton of stress. Two of my harshest triggers.

Don't let fibro-flares stand in your way
photo allposters.com

Anyway, that was then and this is now.  Now I focus on getting through to the other side of this flare by walking when I’m able, resting when I need to,  taking  lots of hot showers and sleeping when I can (not as easy as you might think).

Doing what I can to take my mind off the pain while respecting my limitations (no over exerting). This post for example, took multiple sittings over a three day period, but I did it.

Vow to self…I will do my best to avoid whatever triggers of my fibro-flares that I can!

Stressed to the max

It’s like a never ending loop…get stressed, get sick, get sore, become more stressed, become sicker, become more sore.  Then rinse and repeat. The more I’m stressed, the less I sleep, the more likely I am to get sick. I know  it, I live it, I have accepted it and over the past year I’ve become better at dealing with it.

I had made so much progress physically and emotionally and then Wham!  Out of what seems like nowhere, suddenly it’s like I’m living a nightmare. I’m stressed to the max, I’m hurting, I’m not sleeping and now I’m sick. I’m only human and I have my limits.

Hopefully Monday & Tuesday will be a turning point and I will be able to get back on track.  Back to healing, back to learning to LIVE a new way and maybe even back to smiling again.

K
Picture from Allposters.com

In spite of everything I have met some new people that are genuinely kind and are doing their best to help me.  For that I am grateful.

Feel that cold

Fall Blends oil pastel Pain
“Fall Blends” oil pastel by Shelley Lockwood

Fall was one of my favorite seasons.

Some days, damp ones to be more precise are rarely pleasant or enjoyable.

Last week the dull ache got less dull and today the coldness to the core started.  As the cold slowly seeped deeper and deeper, the pain spread and intensified.  Other than applying some heat and layering up, there isn’t much to do except wait.  Round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows. Wait to see where the pain will settle, and how far spread it’ll be.

Waiting to me, basically boils down to having no control over what happens next.

I think one of my biggest struggles is wondering…am I the only one?  I mean I know I’m not the only one learning to LIVE with Fibromayalgia (or what I usually refer to as the “F” word).

I know I’m not the only one hurting all day every day.  I know I’m not the only one tired beyond belief pretty much most of the time.

What I mean is am I the only one that feels like control is slipping away? I have always had a plan.  Sure flexibility (ha ha) was necessary due to life’s little curve balls, but now I don’t know from one day to the next what I will physically be  able to do.

Really, I never actually know from one hour to the next what this wonderful chronic condition has in store for me.

Am I the only one?  The only one having difficulty accepting this new found loss of control?

 Vow to self…do what you can to minimize the pain!