Kicking and Screaming Toward the Half Century Mark

The Dance of Youth Art Print Honesty
The Dance of Youth

As I am reluctantly dragged, kicking and screaming toward the half century mark…side note: boy do I wish I had the strength to actually physically resist, kick and scream right now 😉 … I think of the many ways that I’ve changed.

I prefer to think of it (for the most part) as evolving. That I’ve become wiser as I’ve aged.

In spite of the many things life has taught me and my continued progress toward “wise old owl designation”, two things remain constant.

I’ve lived my life believing that honesty is the best policy and I feel joy when I’m helping someone.

You would think being diagnosed with the F word (Fibromylagia), has been the biggest hurdle I’ve faced this past year but it’s not.

I am working on acceptance. I am working at evolving. I am trying to build a new life. One where we co-exist, my buddy Fibro and me. I am learning to LIVE with Fibromyalgia.

Sorry…that’s another glorious part of my new life…difficulty focusing and easily distracted…now where was I?

Right, the biggest hurdle that I’ve faced and am still facing is having to deal with dishonesty in the guise of being helpful. It’s like a double whammy for me.

Michael Jordon Quote Poster
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I can’t imagine what it must be like to live a life posing as someone helpful, when in reality you’re doing the complete opposite.  It must be a lonely life.  I wonder what they see when they look in the mirror?

Now this, this is one of the ways I’ve become wiser. There was a time I would have wished bad things for someone like that, now I feel sorry for them.  Never knowing the joy of truly helping people.

You will not break me. I will never stop believing that honesty is the best policy. In the end honesty will prevail over lies, ALWAYS.

For so many years I had it wrong. Failure was an option. As long as I gave it my best shot, and so I will.

Fibromyalgia Ain’t Gonna Get me Down

I realize for those of you meeting me here for the first time,  your initial impression might be that I’m a complainer or ungrateful.  I am not.

I am thankful every single day for the many blessings I have in my life.  In spite of every little task taking so much effort, I am grateful that my health is not worse.

I am lucky.  I have my daughters, my husband, my family, my friends, my home, my dog etc etc etc!  I don’t have to face this alone.

Lonely Hearts Club Band by Shelley Lockwood
Lonely Hearts Club Band Oil Pastel by Shelley

That is one of the reasons that I started this blog.  So that anyone out there facing this obstacle called Fibromyalgia doesn’t have to do so alone.  I hope that by sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings others will have a place to do the same.  That, at the very least they will know they are not the only one.  A question I have asked myself quite a few times throughout this last year.

Don’t get me wrong, this blog isn’t exactly some selfless act.  It is, or at least what I’m hoping will be an important part of my healing process.  My first big step toward acceptance, I mean really accepting that I have Fibromyalgia.  That in spite of there being no cure, I can heal spiritually and mentally.  I can improve physically and I am trying to embrace the new direction my life has taken.

People who know me beyond my words here understand how important control is to me.  They know having a weakness (any weakness) is incredibly difficult for me to accept.  That I pride myself on always setting the bar beyond what might be considered attainable heights.

This blog FibroFog.ca is a place where I will share my journey as I take back control of my life.  I’m taking you along for the ride as I learn how to accept certain limitations without lowering my personal expectations.

I hope to make new friends along the way, and I hope others will share their own experiences while learning to LIVE with Fibromyalgia.

Believe in Yourself Inspirational Quote
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Tired of Wishing my Life Away

Last month was awful. Not because of family, not because of friends, not because of anything that I can control but because of something that is a part of my life, like it or not.

Throughout this last year I have done my best to eliminate negative from my life. I find myself “testing” more and more of the self help advice floating around out there. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t . Either way, I figure it’s worth a shot.

When unavoidable stress manages to ooze into my life, I do my best to handle it. I do my best to avoid a Fibromyalgia flare up. I try to “Stay Happy & Be Positive”

I wished away most of last month. I just wanted it to be over and now it is.

November has rolled around, and here I find myself once again just wishing for this situation to be over; permanently resolved. Which also means I’m wishing my days away…again.

Each day of life should be cherished, not wished away. I know that…I will get back to LIVING. I will not let a couple of bad apples drain my life of joy.

See that picture up there? *The Hug; that’s what I’m going to learn to do. I will embrace each day and LIVE it to the fullest. I will no longer wish my days away!

* Image of “The Hug by Romero Britto courtesy of AllPosters

Your Time Is Limited - Steve Jobs Quote Poster

 Your Time Is Limited – Steve Jobs Quote Poster quotes.fibrofog.ca

Dropping the F Bomb

There it was again…the “F” bomb and from a second Doctor no less. I had no idea what this fibrowhatchyamacallit was, but figured I should probably read up on IT. It would have to wait until later.

More importantly, I had to get back to work. Pushed through the fog while dragging my invisible cement blocks, painted my smile on and headed back in.

Fibromyalgia Search Results
Fibromyalgia Search Results

Later that night, I sat down (finally) to read up on IT. Wasn’t sure of the spelling, so I started with Fibro, sure enough there it was Fibromyalgia.

Read through the Mayo Clinic info. Everything was bang on but I knew better. Both Doctors were quite simply mistaken and that was that.

I pushed on…funny how a word becomes part of your life PUSH. I had to push myself to get up in the morning. For that matter I had to push myself to get up off the couch to go to bed. I had to push myself to get through pretty much anything and everything. The littlest things would zap me.

By each afternoon rolled around, I could hardly walk. My brain was so foggy I could hardly talk (sensibly that isJ ). My hands had become my enemy. As if burning, aching, and stinging wasn’t enough; they stopped listening to me and kept dropping things. It’s still difficult trying to describe the pain. Best I can come up with is, as the day progressed so would the pain. It would spread until every inch of my skin was hurting.

I had to visit my Doctor wayyyy too frequently. Rather than accept the “F” word I started to believe I was becoming a hypochondriac. That I could fix, Fibromyalgia I couldn’t. Every day there was a new pain in a new place. Every night I got less and less sleep.

Then life became unbearable. There was no pleasure, only pain. I had no choice, I finally accepted that I had the “F” word (doesn’t mean I have to say IT). After acceptance I was able to begin learning how to LIVE with Fibromyalgia.

Every day I am learning to accept that I have limitations. I have to figure out what they are, sometimes the hard way. This month was a major set back, but that’s ok it’s almost over.

As the saying goes….this too shall pass.  I’m back on the right path again.

Claude Monet AllPosters
Claude Monet Print from www.AllPosters.com

 

 

Easing My Flair for Flares

Young Stars Flare in the Carina Nebula
Young Stars Flare in the Carina Nebula

Some flares are pretty, fibro-flares are not.

An important part of my learning to LIVE with fibromyalgia has been trying to pinpoint my personal triggers of fibro-flares.

In other words what makes all my fibro symptoms go from manageable to really, really bad. Sometimes so bad that I literally can’t stay upright.  Some of my flare ups have lasted days, some have lasted weeks.  Before I had a better understanding of what I was dealing with I remember a flare that lasted months.

Some triggers can be avoided, some can not.  I recently spiraled (that’s what it feels like to me) into a ten day and counting flare-up.

What makes this one unique is that it was avoidable.  Circumstances beyond my control forced me into over exerting myself and placed me under a ton of stress. Two of my harshest triggers.

Don't let fibro-flares stand in your way
photo allposters.com

Anyway, that was then and this is now.  Now I focus on getting through to the other side of this flare by walking when I’m able, resting when I need to,  taking  lots of hot showers and sleeping when I can (not as easy as you might think).

Doing what I can to take my mind off the pain while respecting my limitations (no over exerting). This post for example, took multiple sittings over a three day period, but I did it.

Vow to self…I will do my best to avoid whatever triggers of my fibro-flares that I can!