Diagnosis Emotionally Depleted

Emotionally Smooshed

Ever been so emotionally pummelled that you feel like you just can’t breathe?

No fun, right? That’s where I’m at right now. I know, I know it’s up to me to get myself out of this funk. Rationally, I know that I have the power in me to NOT emotionally react the way that I am. Of course, it’s in there somewhere. Although, it must be real freaking down deep though, because I’m having a hard time reaching it.

Ever felt emotionally pummelled? Me tooBelieve me I’m trying. It’s like I’m on that rinse n’ repeat, rinse n’ repeat cycle. A loop if you will. Lie in bed, restless, itty bitty pieces of my heart floating around. My brain pounding, my heart throbbing, my mind rambling on and on and on it goes until almost daylight. Finally, at least some sleep.

Not great sleep, dreams wayyyyyy to emotional for deep sleep, but some sleep.

At this point I wake up groggy, but determined to smile. Exhausted, emotionally and physically. Even so, I drag out the tablet and get to work on a social marketing project.

Determination! I will turn things around and I will feel better today. In a little while, I’ll start smiling again. I will be inspired and I will be inspiring.

Ah it’s noon! I’m feeling and writing better. My pictures are brighter. Also, my posts are happier. There’s an optimistic feel about them that wasn’t there this morning.

And, Off We go Again…

Suddenly I remember, I made it to this point yesterday too. Much earlier, today took longer. STOP! Don’t do this! Must not start thinking about how everything emotionally unravelled yesterday. Most importantly, don’t bring yourself down. You have to do this! You have to emotionally pump yourself back up.

Think happy thoughts! Go to your happy place! You know, all that cliché crap happy stuff. Well, to be fair it isn’t actually crappy. Logically, I know it’s true but it is just tough getting there sometimes.

Then, sometimes it is beyond hell just trying to grasp onto one tiny glimmer of happy at all. Not even going to talk about how hard it can be to stay there.

Nevertheless, it’s the freaking emotional roller coaster ride that’s killer. I think I can, I think I can, runs through my head as I’m pulling myself up that steep never ending hill. I get to the top. Hands on hips, I beam as I survey the beauty surrounding me.

Wouldn’t you know it! Something beyond my control happens and WHAM! It’s a straight shot to the bottom again.

That is of course, the little white lie that I tell myself. It’s beyond my control, is a technicality that I’m using to try and fool myself. There is something that can be done to avoid the emotional wreckage. I know what I should do, I know what I probably have to do. In any case, it’s just not fair!

Then again, who ever said life has to be fair, especially emotionally?

Gentle hugs fibro pals xox

PS – Check it out → www.FunWaysToHeal.com come along on my experimental journey while I reintroduce some joy into my Fibro life.



People; Why So Mean?

Blargh! Blasted people!

I am in the habit of forgetting that not everybody is nice. Some people are just plain mean.

Swore I’d never do this, but it’s been eating at me. I am thinking that if I come clean maybe I can finally “let it be”.  Then I can skip happily off into the sunset leaving behind the toxicity. Ok so maybe when I said “skip” it was figuratively.

WHAT? Is with the rhyming?

Mean people blog post Book Cover Your Favorite Dr SeussI am no Dr. Seuss, he I am not. I swear it’s a coincidence, because to write it that way I did not plot. The words flowed from brain, to fingers (ever so slowly) onto the “white” page of a Word dot doc. This paragraph I wrote though, to get a chuckle or a laugh 😉

Oh goody the fibro fog is setting in. What the heck was I talking about?

Right I was about to release some flaming gas balls of fury, albeit with a wee bit of discretion thrown in.

I worked really really really really hard. I was dedicated to the point that people thought I owned the place. Some people still think that. I took something that was losing money. Worked extremely hard with an amazing team doubled the sales and turned a profit in under four years.

Then I got sick, so I had to work harder. Then I became even more ill. To the point that I had to stop working. A year later it became clear that I wouldn’t be able to perform in the same capacity as I had before Fibromyalgia.

I assumed we would discuss other possible jobs or altering my responsibilities to accommodate my newly acquired limitations. I know, I know best never to assume. Anyway, never heard a word, not so much as a thank you, take care nor a goodbye from the owners. It hurt!

Been hurt by people? Learn to let go of emotional clutterThere I said it. I admit that it hurt, that it still hurts. It ends now. I am taking ownership of my emotions and today I move on. I am after all the lucky one who got away from a highly toxic environment.

Yessssss! I feel better already. In fact YAWN, I think I’m going to have the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.

Spring cleaning time, and I am learning how to clear out my emotional clutter. No longer stressed; calm is best. There is room for nice people only in my life.

Take care, Shelley

PS – Please like this post and share your story, your thoughts or your suggestions in the comments. That would make me feel real special 😉